Finally, I have garnered the courage to start this new blog….
On January 7, 2012, life as I knew it, ended. My daughter – my only child – my world – Natasha – died. At the age of 27, she was just gone. No long drawn-out good-byes – no warnings – she was just gone. She went, like the old say they want to go – in her sleep – she just never woke up.
Natasha – or, as we called her, “Tash” – was a firecracker. She was always moving – always talking – always smiling.
Tasha was born when I was 15-years-old. She was born with Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD). It was never supposed to get worse while she was young – the doctors assured us that we wouldn’t see any effects until she was well into her 30s, if we saw them at all. They were wrong….
As puberty kicked in, Tasha’s kidneys began to fail. We made the decision to move from Texas to Florida, to be near family for whatever came next. What came next was the need for a transplant when Tasha was 15. Blessed we were, because Tash was able to bypass dialysis and I became the (lucky) 13th laparoscopic donor at Tampa General Hospital. Everything went well. With few complications, Tash was back on the track team just a few months later and back on the soccer team that fall. The side effects were hard – we often lived on an emotional roller coaster – but, her health was good….and we were so thankful!
Then Tash left for college. Oh, how she loved college. She loved her independence and, honestly, I was loving a little empty nest. But, it was short-lived.
Tasha’s kidney failed – she went on dialysis on September 21, 2002…our dream was over…and our nightmare had begun.
Nine years later, she lost her battle, never receiving another kidney and suffering so much…but never letting it stop her.
This new blog represents a turn in my grief journey. For the first couple of years, I existed…barely living. Now, I have crossed an ocean, to open the door to opportunity and life and I am so ready to live again.
Like every journey, this one does not go in a straight line…and, it seldom goes as planned. But, I am ready to find my purpose, to allow happiness to enter my heart and continue on this path, carrying my daughter with me….praying that she is proud of me and my decision to live again…
As I have always been, I will always be….TASHA’S MOM
8 thoughts on “Here we go….”
I am so very proud of where you are today. I remember being so worried about you in the beginning. I still and will always believe i am here to yell you how special you are. Our children decieded that for me and somehow I just knew that was the job they assigned to me. Remember what a wonderful beautiful caring loving smart funny mother and person you are 😗😗😗
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As always, my love for you is deep and my appreciation is unending.
~ Beautiful & God bless you. ❤
I can’t imagine how hard this may be. I am so sorry for your loss but happy to hear that you are beginning to learn to be happy again.
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There is no greater loss and I never thought I would ever feel real joy again.
Just found your blog. I’m on my own grief journey.
It’s a tough journey, for sure. I wish strength and peace.