Privileged grief….

I scrapped the post I was working on when I received an email earlier.

A fb “friend” of my ex-husband sent me a message today. He/she sent me a screenshot of my ex’s profile page and it included a picture I had made for my daughter’s foundation page.

I cannot even tell you how much that pissed me off – sent me into a rage. Last month, their bill collectors were calling me and now he has the nerve to steal something I made to honor my daughter’s memory to elevate himself to a father who gave a shit about his child, which we all know is not true.

I worked hard to let Tash make her own decisions regarding her father. And, it was hard. To this day, he has never asked about her cause of death or where she’s buried. I get not coming to her funeral, if finances were a problem – although, I would have crawled to get to say my final good-bye.

Tash would have given him infinite chances – she loved everyone – and, loved everything about having a family. However, as I’ve gone through her things and read her journals, I have a pretty good understanding of her frustration over this relationship.

Tash loved her Nanny – she was one of the great losses of Tasha’s life when she passed when Tash was only 15. She always talked of the things her Nanny had left her – things that her father still had – the things he told her she would never get when the child support order came through (a long story for another time). She always wanted that connection with her Nanny and treasured every item – every picture – every memory – that involved her. We talked about those things for hours over the years. Silly, it may seem…that those things could mean so much to Tash, but they did.

We finally came up with a plan for her to possibly get them back – but, it would not be easy and there would be some deceit involved. So, we started talking to him – talking bad about me and my husband to draw him in….but, he never came through. I just found our “notes” the other day – I have to say we were good. We would have been great at catfishing. But, I never would have told him – I would have let him have those moments – even after his shitty comment in her memory book (that I deleted).

What silly stuff grief throws up in our faces…new lines are drawn…emotions run rampant…and, some hurts cannot be forgiven. And, stealing your dead daughter’s graphics is a shitty thing to do!

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