Tash LOVED her birthday. She always insisted we celebrate all month. And, all month, we did.
She has now been in heaven for 7 birthdays – this will be her 8th. When she died in 2012, I knew she was gone – but, when her birthday rolled around, I couldn’t quite get my mind around the fact that she would really miss her time to celebrate. That’s when it hit me all over again – it had always been real – but, never as real as it was in that moment.
Tash was my blessing – she gave me the thrill of birthdays again – that thrill I hadn’t had since I was 10 years old. I moaned and groaned about the full month of celebration when she was older – but, I loved it. I loved her enthusiasm – the simple celebrations and the ones that were so over-the-top. There was no doing anything else in July – WE WERE CELEBRATING THE BIRTH OF NATASHA!!!
I work to celebrate her all month every July. It was really hard in the beginning. I often struggled to even get out of bed during most of the month. I ignored calls – messages – stopped answering the door. I laid in my grief for the month – ending the month with a balloon release, surrounded by friends and family.
We wrote on our balloons – sending our messages to heaven (I know it’s not environmentally friendly – no need to message me) – hoping that the words and the love reached her.
The feelings have evolved – but, it’s still not an easy month. Even when I keep my body busy, my heart and my brain know what time it is.
Every year, we find a new way to honor her…this year’s reveal is in the works.
Until the 31st, we will do something to honor and remember her everyday. This week, I washed all of her baby clothes and found pics of her wearing them. Today, we donated books to a little library close to a neighborhood without a regular library close by. Tomorrow, we will feed the homeless, while wearing shirts with her name and picture on them.
Every day, I love her more! ❤️