What do you do the night before your daughter’s birthday when she is no longer here to celebrate?

You cry…

You set your alarm for 3:30 am so that you are awake at the exact time she was born…

You take a Xanax AND a sleeping pill so that hopefully, you sleep some…

You cry…

You look at pictures, until you can’t look at pictures…

You wish you could watch a video, but, even after 7 1/2 years, it’s not possible…

You cry again, this time, with snot and sobs thrown in…

You light a candle…

You move her urn to your bedroom so she is closer to you…

And, then you lay in bed and write her a letter…

You cry some more…

And, then you listen to the ticking of the clock, in disbelief that your daughter isn’t here to celebrate her own birthday…