It’s been 8 years since our last picture…our last Christmas Eve together…we were exhausted…after another long night in the ER and she was still struggling to get her bearings.

This was the ninth Christmas Eve without her – while I watched families and friends get together and celebrate. It is the first Christmas that it has finally sunk in that these things are not for me…that they never will be…perhaps, they never were.

This is the hopefully the last Christmas I bang my head up against a wall in order to attempt to celebrate a holiday that no longer belongs to me.

I can no longer sit by and watch – I can no longer sit on the sidelines…something has to change…I have tried something different every year…I have included those with no where to go…I have included family…friends…but, it comes down to this…and, sometimes, you just have to say “enough” – turn the page, turn off the lights, and walk away from it all….